Friday, May 18, 2007

Guilt...

Sophie is still having nightly seizures. She has been waking up around 2:15am and having a cluster of seizures. When I hear her make the slightest noise at this hour, I know to jump out of bed and get her quickly. Well, the other night, I was just too exhausted to jump out quickly. So by the time I got to her, she had already had a seizure and hit her face on the side of her crib. It was dark but she looked to be okay. So I picked her up and put her in bed with us. She had about 75 seizures. They were the bad ones. Where she shakes and screams and cries. Eventually, we all fell back asleep. The next morning when I got out of bed, I saw a large brown spot on the sleeve of my shirt. Well, it turns out that she busted the inside of her lip open and bled everywhere...through the pillowcase onto the pillow, through the sheets onto the mattress pad, and on her bunny. Poor girl. I feel so guilty. If only I had gotten to her quicker... But my guilt is nothing compared to what she must feel. I would do anything to take away her pain yet I can't even imagine what it must feel like to go through what she goes through.