But I feel lost. Where do we go from here? Sophie's seizure freedom (short of a miracle) is hinging on brain surgery. BRAIN SURGERY. Something we will most likely know in less than two weeks. We leave for Detroit in 7 days. I am scared. Scared out of my mind. Sick to my stomach. It is so emotional. If I knew she was a surgical candidate, maybe I would feel more at peace. But her case is not that clear. Right now it is only a possibility. UGH!!! If not brain surgery, then what??? Where do we go from here. I am trying not to think about it. But I have to. Once you have tried all front line treatments and FAILED, then your mind has to go there. You are constantly thinking what next. You don't have the luxury to fail a treatment and then start thinking about the next option. Precious moments would waste away when you could be trying something different to stop the seizures. Sophie is having seizures EVERY SINGLE DAY.
It's crazy. Two years ago when we had our first visit with Dr. Chugani, I had mixed feelings about brain surgery. I couldn't imagine Sophie having to go through that. I didn't even know that if she turned out to be a surgical candidate that I wanted to go there. Once you take away part of your brain, you are never getting it back. There are no brain transplants.
I just want to curl up in a ball and blink away these next 2 weeks. Wave my magic wand and have all the answers before me. Of course, all the right answers.