Monday, November 21, 2011

Take Two

Starting the blog post is sometimes the hardest.  I wait so long between postings that I have way too much to say and don't know where to start.  But I'll just jump right in.

Sophie is scheduled to have another surgery.  Another two-stage brain surgery.  In the first stage, they will place the grids to monitor the seizure activity.  Then, two days later, they will perform the actual surgery...Multiple Subpial Transection (MST).

I can talk about it so matter-of-factly at times.  With no emotions.  But the closer we get to the date, the more real it feels.  I am starting to feel the weight of it all.  I think what scares me the most is how Sophie is going to react to everything.  This time around, she is much more aware.  But I talked with another mom, Emma, whose son, Alex, had a second surgery when he was 7 years old.  She was able to put my mind at ease a bit after hearing how well (relatively speaking) he did the second time around.

But, it is brain surgery.  And when I sit down and think about it...really think about is difficult.  More difficult this time around than the first.  I am already starting to feel the panic.  We are leaving in exactly two weeks from today.  Just typing that...seeing it in writing...brings tears to my eyes.  The packing, organizing and what not of getting ready to go out of town is NOT what is putting me in panic mode.  It's the fact that I want to soak up every last second of time I have with Sophie before I have to kiss her sweet little forehead goodbye, once again, before I walk out of the operating room.  That moment...when you have to pull yourself the hardest.


Kerri said...

Oh Elaine, you all are in my heart and prayers. Please keep us posted when you can. I pray so hard that everything goes smoothly <3

Anonymous said...

You know you are in my thoughts and prayers, as you are with so many.

This has got to be a very difficult trip to make.


Lulucarrot said...

My heart hurts for you. I will think about you and Sophie!

Zoey's mom, Heather said...

Sending you peace for the days ahead. For those days overflowing with fear and uncertainty. Thankful you are surrounded by a community that supports you. So many others that can lend their wisdom and strength derived form their own journeys with their remarkable children,

This picture of Sophie is absolutely gorgeous. It really is Elaine.

Anonymous said...

There are no words except to say as always Sophie will be in our thoughts and prayers. She's the toughest little girl I know and I'm sure once again she will surprise all of us with her recovery .

Aunt Barb

Anonymous said...

There are no words to express what I am feeling for you except that my heart is with you and sophie and your family. Even though I do not see sophie everyday she is still in my heart and will always be. I just hope that this is the answer that you have been praying for. She is a tough cookie I should know and I know she will pull through with flying colors and will want to eat bread co ceasar salad and mac and cheese. If you need anything you know where I am I will always be willing to help. I love you miss sophie
Miss Brandy

happy's mommy said...

Could she be more beautiful?!

I wish there was a way to help make it less panic attack worthy... For that matter...I wish SO many things! I wish I could be there with you. And I wish I could help with Elsa and Charlie...I'd make Tobes and Bri just smother them in sibling love. I wish...I wish...I wish...

But the only thing I have is super squeezy sappy cyber hugs to send.



Mrs.M said...

Hi there....I stumbled onto your blog through another interblogging friend, Lanier Landing, so...Hi!
Oh my heart! Reading your little sweetie's situation.
My heart goes out to you and your girlie.
Hugs & prayers....hugs & prayers...

Anonymous said...

Reading your blog always brings me into tears. Your strength amazes and inspires me. Sophie is always in my thoughts... Love, Rongrong