Friday, January 27, 2012
Oh goodness, I am horrible. Sorry for the lack of updates. Life has been...well...crazy but in a good sort of way. I mean, I am a stay-at-home mom of three kids. One that is recovering extremely well from brain surgery. Another that is a keep-me-on-my-toes-sensory-seeking two year old. And a just turned four year old that is a highly demanding momma's girl. Between that and me having a hard time letting Sophie out of my sight, I have been physically and mentally exhausted. It's hard for me to even think beyond what is right in front of me.
But all of that has changed this week. At the end of the day today, it will mark Sophie's first full week back at school. Her energy level is there and so is my comfort level. I know I have said this before but she is just AMAZING. She really is. I am just in awe of her. She is one determined little (umm big...but it's hard for me to accept that she is getting so big) girl.
She remains seizure-free. There isn't a day (or night) that goes by that I am not incredibly grateful for that. A huge weight has been lifted from me. It's hard to even think about my emotional state of mind prior to surgery. Or, actually, prior to finding out that she was a surgical candidate (because the few weeks prior to surgery is a whole other story). I will never be able to find the words to express the heartbreak of having to hold my child every single night while she had a cluster of seizures. It was like clockwork. Usually around midnight and then again around 4am.
My heart still pounds a little faster when I hear her moving around in the middle of the night. Usually, she is just fishing for my hair. Once she finds it, she will fall right back to sleep. Yep...she sleeps with me. But I feel my comfort level growing there too. I think she is ready to sleep in her own bed again. She was a great sleeper until she was 18 months old. That was when the drop seizures started and she would wake up in the middle of the night with bloody lips (even with all the padding I put on her crib). So she started sleeping right smack dab in the middle of Brandon and me. And she stayed there until she was seizure-free after her first surgery (when she was 3.5 years old). Then back to her own bed she went until her seizures relapsed eleven months post-op.
But this time is different. It just has to be. I am once again filled with so much hope. Seizure-freedom seems so real. So permanent. Why not? Right? Miracles do happen.